Well, we're here. We're safe. We've arrived. And we're so darn pooped....emotionally, physically, and otherwise. This move has gotten me thinking about a lot of things....our ways of raising the girls, how we do our day-to-day, how those choices look to outside observers, the complexity of familial relationships, how choices about things like where to live dramatically affect your life course, God's plan, His favor (which has been POURED out on us in ways I've never experienced), the lack of...something...ability? of the English language to express things that we go through, how fast kids grow (always changing), trying to formulate a plan for what I want my day-to-day and long-term life to be like in this new environment, whether I should be trying to change myself and push my boundaries to fit the "ideal" me with this fresh slate or if I should let myself just be myself and see where that takes me, and wondering when we'll get and what our new normal will be like.
To expand: I realize that there are a million and one sources that say that dwelling on the negative is a poor choice, and I can see their point. I, by nature, am a pessimist, though I prefer to call myself a realist. :P I know that I shouldn't just roll around in all the negative things that are/have happened, but I don't totally buy the "Never complain" campaign, either. That seems like a lot of shoving down of feelings that are naturally occurring even if you're not a pessimist/realist. For example, I had an awfully sucky (best word choice) trip out here with the girls. Yep, could've been worse. But I might have had a mental breakdown if so....as it was I had fits of giggling (which sure ticked of Skylar who was trying to talk to me) because I was so worn out and frazzled that I couldn't do anything but. So I guess here's the thing that's bothering me....how when I say to you "the trip sucked" you would kind of nod and make a noise of understanding and then we'd move on. Maybe you'd even ask for details and I'd give them (gladly) to get it off my chest. But then it's just....water under the bridge? I know I'm rambling....I guess I just wish that there was some way for all of us to understand/respect/really *get* the things that happen to each other. When I say that I had morning sickness for example, lots of women will commiserate with me on it: "I was sick for x days" etc and then it's just like we were talking about what we had for dinner.
"I like lasagna."
"I like lasagna, too! Although I like mine with pork instead of beef."
"Ah. Hmm."
And we move on.
No. Morning sickness was days, weeks, months of feeling absolutely miserable all the time--leaving restaurants because the smell was awful--hating when Michael cooked because it smelled disgusting--not liking the taste of sweets or coffee or pretty much anything. It was such an all-encompassing experience and it just becomes words on a page. A little teensy piece of my long (getting longer everyday) history.
Or when someone passes away. After the initial pain we just speak of it as "My (insert here) passed away" and the other person expresses their condolences and then there's not much else one can do. But that seems so wrong! Losing someone is *so* painful and I know that the losses that loom ahead of me are going to be even more awful then the ones I've experienced. They can be gut-wrenching, life-altering, can't get out of bed experiences and then they're just reduced to words, too.
I know what you're thinking...that this is all just a testament to how life is. It's about how we don't have a choice and we move on and put those experiences behind us because that's where they go whether we like it or not. One foot in front of other. Fine. I'm just saying that I *don't like it.* I don't know what I want exactly. I don't have any better plan than how the human race lives and functions at the moment. I guess I'm just feeling the rub from my very little (in the scheme of death etc) bad experience and how it is so minimized....not by anyone in particular but by "the way things are." Patooie.
In case you were wondering, I'll probably post about informative things like our apartment! Michael's new job! Skylar's new school! soon and in another post. :P
Gotta tell you though: Kaeleigh got her FIRST TOOTH! yesterday. It's just barely peeking through and a little hard to see. I knew it was there because first thing in the morning she grabbed my finger and wanting to chew on it and there was something sharp this time. She also learned to wave yesterday. Big day! She's absolutely too cute.
Today she started a kind of squealing which she'll do continuously until she gets what she wants (to play with Dad's laptop or for Mom to come get her, mostly).
Christmas is 23 days away and I am in an empty apartment. Aaackk! Hope all of you are feeling more prepared. Bye for now.
