I've been in a real funk today. And off and on for.....a month? Since we've moved? Before that? I'd say it's gotten worse since we've moved, though, at least in degree though likely not frequency. I've come out of it tonight (with much help from Michael, as is usually necessary) and it's hitting me for the first (!) time how unfair it is to my family when I have days like this. In my mind, at the time, it's all very justified. For example, last night I had very little sleep and an hour stretch (uncommon) with Kaeleigh up in the middle of the night and refusing to go back to sleep. I was *so* tired and *so* frustrated and then she got up bright and early and was go, go, go trying to eat things on the floor. I sweep with our fancy sweeper (with the magnetic-y type of pick-em-up cloths) nearly every day to keep the floor from getting dust bunnies (her *favorite* to eat) and I'm always picking up little miniscule specs of nothingness/paper/who knows what that is as I'm walking around because she finds them with amazing speed and accuracy. So this morning she was all over the place eating who knows what and I was running after trying to get it out of her mouth (a waste of time) and feeling like I was both incapable and obviously quite a slob. That was just the morning. The day was full of one little thing after another, and the problem is that to me--especially when I'm already in a funk, but in general, too--little things mean big things and = crabby Aubrey. Don't you wish you lived with us? :P
So the good news. Our medical insurance includes counseling. I've been insured since before I was pregnant, but the insurance didn't include any behavioral health. I did get a very lovely letter after we moved here (fwd of course) from my WA insurance co. stating that there was a new state law requiring them to provide mental health care and my policy would include that now. So helpful! Thank you! I digress. So I'm going to work on finding a counselor and start going. Good news #1. Good news #2: There was an article in the Jan (Feb?) issue of Oprah magazine about a program called Awakening Joy. A man runs it and has a local program in CA or you can do it online. I signed up and picked up the book he recommended to study before the class begins at the end of Jan, and I'm intrigued and encouraged by the book's premise. What is different about both of them is the practicality of what they're recommending. You know me: I love to read magazines and newsletters and books and anything self-help-y and I've read thousands of articles or suggestions or books on how to be happy. Clearly not working. I like this approach and I'm excited about it.
Ohmygosh! And the most exciting news of the hour!!!!! I lost a *pound.* Yep, it's true. It's my first pound and I am quite in love with it...er, the loss of it. :) It's important to note that I lost a lot of weight (Michael and I both) when we moved to WA, and though we didn't ever get to our goals, we lost a good chunk. I think mine was 30 and Michael lost 40. We've steadily been putting it back on (or in my case, in little bits and then super quickly after Kaeleigh was born). The scale has been going up and up and up for about 5 yrs with the exception of the pregnancy. I lost almost all the pregnancy wt. right away and then put it right back on within 2 mths. Yuck. Let's not talk about that anymore. I was saying that I lost a pound! :P Michelle (best friend), my grandma, Michael, other family too are all really wanting to do it this time and get the wt off. Michael and I have been working out at the gym at our apts and are on the way. If you're working on the same goal, let me know because we're all trying to figure out a good online/email/something way to support each other. We'll put you in the fold. :)
