A season

I'd have to say that right now is a heavy time for us--maybe just me--maybe the whole family. And I have to get Skylar from the bus in 10 minutes, so don't let me forget! I suppose that's okay (the time, not the bus); I'm feeling more acceptance of it than I may have in the past. Things aren't going to be cheery and roses all the time, though I'm not particularly *enjoying* this little season.

I started going to a counselor this week with the express goal of *getting rid of baggage.* There are other, very important, things I'm working on/need working on in my life, but I feel like God is giving me the resources (such an awesome God) for those, so I'm narrowing my focus for counseling, and I think that's a good idea. I've got a lot of baggage. It's a big project. :)

I'm excited about going, and I like the counselor so far (only had our give-all-the-details session), though it does make you think about a lot deeper things than usual when you've just recounted your life story and the big people/stories/drama in it. Especially when way too many of the people/stories/drama were negative. So I've been thinking about pretty much everything in a deeper way than usual: why do I feel so competitive with her? what does it mean that he's acting like that? where is this relationship going (no, not Michael and I's :P)? what can I be doing better? *can* I do better? is this just *too, too* hard or can I really lose the weight this time? Things like that. And it feels sort of lonely, too, because we--as people and in general--don't walk around with heavy things in our minds and hearts, as well we shouldn't. So I feel a bit like I'm walking around doing my own little battles, and I'm trying to take heart from God's word, other resources I use (Beth Moore, blogs, family) that this is all about *growing* and because God wants me to come out of it bigger and better.

I would like to say that I am not a fan of the pain during growth thing. Sort of like how when we ask God for more patience, He doesn't just *give* it to us--He gives us *opportunities* to be more patient. So not cool. I plan to talk to Him about this when I get there. :)